The Best Chance I Ever Took

His words shattered the windshield of everything I thought I knew to be real and time ceased to exist. The truth formed a sentence in my head's terminal as the damage was being repaired but another sentence low on fuel with no thoughts of an end goal, just to leave ASAP, sped out the runway and out of my mouth within record time. "Sure I've got nothing else going on at the moment." But I did, why did I lie? Let's backup and see how I got here. I lived in Oceanside, California for the first 10 years of my life proceeded by another 10 years in Vista, California. Hardly anyone knows about these cities in SoCal so anytime people would ask where I’m from I’d always say San Diego. Not cause I’m ashamed of where I came from, I just didn’t like having to create a map in folks’ minds then to have to pinpoint exactly on the grid of Califronia just to show where I’m from. San Diego will do. The world seemed so big probably because I had never explored it, local was all I knew. I couldn't even give proper directions to anyone without using a landmark. "Oh you mean down by the McDonalds?" "Yeh make a left and it'll be right by the 7/11." I was content with not knowing life beyond what I knew but that was about to change. I was in community college (forced to by my parents) and was failing all of my classes on purpose cause I didn't want to be there! I remember taking a film class where all we had to do was watch movies then write about them, a college student’s dream! Even then I would pull out my HP laptop which would heat to the temperature of small stove, sit it on my lap, then proceed with knees burning, watch the assigned movie, to find out I was too sluggish to open up Microsoft Word to write a measly paragraph about what I had just experiences through the two holes in my head. I couldn’t care less though, I didn’t wanna be here, therefore I was gonna behave like I didn’t want to be here. I loved hip hop so all of my spare time was used to make music. I performed at my church a couple of times, was invited to perform at another church, and even at my teammate’s birthday party. It was pretty embarrassing performing in front of all of my friends. I showed up in my oversized jersey for a hockey team I knew nothing about, south pole jeans with no belt to sag intentionally, then to find out there was a basketball hoop in the backyard so after 3 games of hoopin’ I finally showed up to perform looking like someone had hit me with a super soaker. Thankfully we were all 18 so we didn’t know the difference between a dope rap performance and a 99 cents store representation of what a rap performance should be. Yes mine was the latter. Still I was loving it and an album was in the works too. Yet this wasn't enough I was still trying to figure out the bigger picture. I had never thought about having a career before and what that might look like. I just knew what I enjoyed and what I enjoyed doing was what I wanted to do all the time. But we were told by the adults when we were growing up, "College is the only way to success." "If you don't get a degree then you'll be in need." But I was done with learning. I was a C average student who never wanted to do homework again. I just wanted a full time job to help out with paying rent at my parents and to keep pursuing music. Then that fateful day came where everything changed. "Hey you're not doing much else with your life, do you wanna go to Bible college with me in Australia?" I was raised Christian and was very involved at my church but to dedicate a portion of my life to learning more about my faith sounded like a huge commitment. & what about my music? My track record with school was also dismal. Would learning about something I’m actually interested in motivate me to do better in class? I began to think about the pro's and con's. I thought about how my producer and I were not getting along too well and had disagreements in the sound of what I was trying to create. I thought of school. I remembered the 'academic probation' letter coming in the mail informing my parents and I that I was failing my classes. & lastly I thought about home. I did not like living where I had been living nearly my whole life. I'm an independent soul at heart and even though rent was cheap I felt smothered. Suddenly Sydney wasn't sounding so bad. "Sure I've got nothing else going on at the moment." But I did, why did I lie? I was writing new songs daily, the ministry at my church of reaching local families was on the rise, and my friend group was tight. Everyday was a hangout. I had a core group of high school buddies that I would hang out with on Saturday nights playing video games and another group of buddies I would play basketball with on Sundays and Friday nights. I remember those weekends like they were yesterday. The smell of corn chips and the crackling, searing noise of brown, home made steaks being made in the kitchen. My friend's mom worked at a butcher shop so she got choice meat for free and my friend's freezer was full of them. No one left with an empty stomach on those nights. We were all pretty broke so we each chipped in $5-$10 each to cover the costs of the soda, chips, and side dishes that were prepared. I was known for burning pots of boiling water, even for the simplest tasks in cooking I failed, so I was banned from the kitchen. I didn't mind though this gave me more time to compete with my friends who weren't preparing the meal. The sweet, smell of cheap yet gourmet food hypnotized us as we began our all nighter of PS3, Wii, and Xbox 360 experiences. We played classic games such as 'Call of Duty,' 'MarioKart,' and my absolute favorite 'Super Smash Bros.' I witnessed the frustration and rage as the steam coming out of my friends' ears could have fooled me as the same steam coming out of the mashed potatoes in the kitchen. No one could beat me at this game, I was in my zone, I was safe. But I had to take a chance. Is my life actually heading somewhere or am I maintaining? Who am I becoming? Was I growing in all areas of life or did I need a new mountain to climb? A challenge was needed and deep down I knew it to be true. So I applied & awaited the results. Why in the world would they accept someone with terrible grades like mine? I’m sure there are more worthy candidates out there. & maybe if I don’t get accepted then life won’t have to change. I opened the college status email & saw that one word that changed my life forever, ‘accepted.’

To my own surprise I chuckled & realized that in order to learn more about my faith I had to take a leap of faith first. When I take a look back I actually did have ‘something else’ going on at the moment. Something good. But something good isn’t always great and greatness could only be found outside of the lanes we become familiar with. Outside of the hometown of predictability and comfort were the unpaved roads of a life that takes chances. I wasn’t safe anymore.